


woven fates

by DesertRaven



Series: Amo - Rhela x Gaius [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: 4.5+ Spoilers, Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Canon-Typical Violence, Chapters are tagged individually, Denial of Feelings, Dubious Consent - Alcohol, F/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Past Violence, Referenced Past Zenos/WoL, SMUT!, Sexual Content, Smoking, The Sorrow of Werlyt Questline (Final Fantasy XIV) Spoilers, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, but with feelings, there are many like it but this one is mine, this is my emotional support ship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:40:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 18,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28250289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertRaven/pseuds/DesertRaven
Summary: **On hiatus until patch 5.5**The Warrior of Light is a trainwreck, Gaius Baelsar is a weak man, and they’re into each other.The answer to whatever this is between them isn’t at the bottom of a bottle, despite what Rhela would like to believe, nor is it between her thighs, despite what Gaius might think. This does not stop either of them from searching in those places.
Relationships: Gaius van Baelsar/Warrior of Light
Series: Amo - Rhela x Gaius [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2202387
Comments: 83
Kudos: 69





	1. The Black Wolf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Relocated from my one-shot collection because this has turned into a whole. Thing.
> 
> CW: sexual content, alcohol use, referenced age difference

To say Rhela was shocked to see Gaius van Baelsar again would have been a gross understatement. To hear him speak of his goal of defeating the Ascians was even more surprising, as was the realization that he had slain some of the beings himself. Perhaps not for good, but she knew better than most how difficult a feat it was to banish them. When they encountered him at The Burn, he had been ready to return to his mission. Rhela had persuaded him to return to the Enclave with them, if only temporarily. Why, she could not rightly say, except that she was curious. And that was how they came to be splitting a second - or was it third? - bottle of sake under the stars. 

The Warrior of Light and the Black Wolf. Not allies, perhaps, but two battle-weary souls sharing their troubles.

Gaius is a quiet drinking partner. Not that she doesn’t love the way Lyse’s tongue gets looser and looser with each drink, filling Rhela’s silence with whatever thoughts pop into her head. But it is nice to enjoy companionable quiet sometimes, too.

Of course, faced with the quiet brooding that is Gaius, Rhela is the one getting chatty.

“You know, if you had found me before we faced each other in the Praetorium and offered an alliance, I would have joined you.”

He looks at her strangely and takes another drink. She shrugs one shoulder. Rhela didn’t have any strong feelings one way or the other about any of it. The Empire, the beast tribes, the Eorzean Alliance, even the Scions. She had respected Gaius and his belief in merits, his scorn of higher powers.

“The Scions got to me first, of course. So at that point I was committed to a cause.” Another half-shrug as she reaches for the bottle, which he passes over freely.

“And now?”

“Mm. The Warrior of Light continues ever onward, for those she can yet save.”

Her doubts, her fears… Those belong to Rhela, not the Warrior of Light. It’s a distinction she had drawn somewhere along the line, though she kept that to herself.

“A noble cause.”

It’s impossible to tell from his flat tone if he’s mocking her or not. She studies him in the moonlight. Older, and not an unattractive man. Older tends to be her taste, anyway. She takes another drink to distract from the turn of her thoughts, but when she passes the bottle back to him her hand lingers too long on his.

“It does get lonely, though.”

In vino veritas.

“Do you get lonely out there, Baelsar?”

Gaius, apparently catching her meaning, chokes on the sake. She’s surprised, she usually has to be a bit more clear about her intentions. No one seems to expect the Warrior of Light to have needs. He looks at her, then looks away and takes another drink.

“If you’re not interested, just say no. I’m a big girl, I won’t be offended.” When he doesn’t respond, she shifts a little closer and wraps her hand over his where he holds the bottle. The gesture itself feels sexual, somehow. A hint of other things she could be wrapping her hand around. “No strings, nothing serious. Just someone to warm your bed. Or mine, I’m not picky.”

Gaius shakes his head, but he doesn’t pull away from her. He also hasn’t turned her down.

“You’re drunk. I’m drunk.” He turns and looks her up and down. “I’m twice your age, girl, or near enough.”

None of this is news to her. None of it bothers her. Rhela shifts onto her knees and turns so she’s facing him fully, her hand still covering his. “Is that a no? As I said, I won’t take offense.”

He looks up at the sky, an odd gesture for a man who doesn’t believe in gods, and huffs a quiet laugh. Gently, she extracts the bottle from his hand and sets it aside. Her fingers come up to brush along his jaw, feeling the scratch of stubble there. Even with him seated, she still has to lean up slightly to press her lips to the corner of his mouth. She turns his face with her hand on his jaw, searching his pale eyes for anything that looks like hesitation. When she finds none, she kisses him softly. Heartbeats pass, and he doesn’t kiss her back.

Rhela starts to pull away, somewhat disappointed but not hurt. He’s right, they’re both drunk. And there’s history there that would make this awkward. But then his hand wraps around the back of her neck, the other coming up to push into her hair at the base of her horn, and his lips meet hers. It’s fumbling at first, she can tell it’s been a while since he’s done this, but then his tongue swipes the seam of her mouth and she parts her lips. He tastes like sake and she’s sure she does too, but they both have a hunger. She’s the first to pull away.

“So, is that a yes?”

Gaius chuckles softly. “If I said no?”

She shrugs. “I go back to my room and enjoy my own company. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time.”

“It’s hot enough here, I have no need for someone to warm my bed… but I would not turn down your company.”

———

Gaius drops back onto the bed, breathless. “You may yet be the death of me, girl. I’m too old for this.”

Rhela, equally sated, rolls onto her side and drapes her leg across his hip. With her horns she has to prop herself up on her elbow to be comfortable but it does give her a lovely view of his bare chest, slick with sweat in the humid Doman air. After a moment, he leans over slightly and retrieves a pouch from the table beside the bed. The smell of dried tobacco drifts out when he opens it and she watches, mildly interested, as he rolls some of the crushed leaf into a thin paper. She knows it isn’t uncommon, but most in Eorzea and Othard alike still favor pipes. He sticks the end between his lips and she brings her fingers up to the other end.

“Let me.”

She’s no thaumaturge, but she can still conjure enough of a spark to light the end. Gaius raises an eyebrow at her and she gives a half shrug by way of response. He tucks one arm behind his head as he exhales, a cloud of smoke drifting lazily away out of the open window. Rhela is not usually a smoker but between the sake and the sex she’s feeling indulgent. He doesn’t protest when she takes it from him. The smoke burns her lungs, but it’s not as harsh as a pipe.

“I can go back to my room.”

“The bed’s plenty big enough for both of us.”

Both too proud to come out and say what they mean. Rhela shouldn’t be surprised. They share the smoke in comfortable silence for a while.

“Did sas Junius make it out of Meridianum?”

“She did.”

“I’m glad” She means it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Screech at me on [Discord](https://discord.gg/K9PW9qv)


	2. Sin or Spend the Night Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyy guess who completely forgot that the meeting with Gaius happens in Ala Mhigo?
> 
> Spoiler: it was me.
> 
> Oh well. Slight canon divergence here but it doesn’t make too much difference.
> 
> CW: implied sexual content, referenced canon character death, unhealthy coping mechanisms, alcohol abuse

The rooms in Revenant’s Toll are simple, but a vast improvement over a tent on the hard ground, or worse no sleep at all. Gaius is nearly certain that he has the Warrior of Light to thank for Tataru’s insistence that he rest here for the night before continuing on his way. It doesn’t take long for a knock on the door to confirm his suspicions.

Rhela’s appearance has changed since he last saw her in Doma. Her long brown hair has gone completely white and is cropped short at her jaw, and her once violet eyes have gone white as well. He wants to ask about the change, but isn’t sure if they have that kind of relationship. If whatever this is can even be called a relationship.

She doesn’t wait to be invited in when he opens the door, just brushes past him with a bottle in each hand, one open and probably a third empty.

“Baelsar. It’s been a while.” Her voice is rough from the alcohol.

“It has.”

She sets the unopened bottle on the table and wanders over to stare out the window, her back to him.

He was a Legatus for too long to not be intimately familiar with the way killing can affect some; that she, the Warrior of Light, should feel it is what shakes him. After all she has done, what fresh horrors did she experience to bring this out? He can’t see her face but he knows the expression that will be on it, and it pains him in a way he can’t fully reconcile.

“Do you want to talk?”

“Nope.” She takes a long pull from the bottle. “I want to drink, and I want you to fuck me, and then I want to drink some more.”

Gaius joins her at the window, pulling the open bottle from her fingers. He would be lying if he claimed he did not desire her, but he doesn’t want to take advantage of her state. She turns her head slightly to look up at him and he can see the dark circles under her eyes. She’s lost weight, too, and she could scarcely afford to do so in the first place. He takes a drink and the cheap liquor burns on the way down.

“Alright.” So much for not taking advantage.

Her fingers thread into his hair, pulling him down so she can kiss him. His hands grip the firm curve of her ass, lifting her up into his arms so he doesn’t have to stoop, and her legs hook over his hips to wrap around him. She tastes like whiskey and cinnamon and bad decisions, and despite his best intentions, he is a weak man where she is concerned.

They don’t move from the bed. Rhela sits up with her elbows on her knees, her hands and the bottle of whiskey dangling between them; Gaius is propped up on one arm beside her, watching her. His fingers brush the ends of her hair where it hangs just below her jaw.

“You changed your hair.”

She almost snorts at the statement of the obvious, but then just nods. “Some of the tribes of the Steppe cut their hair as a sign of mourning.”

His hand drops away, resting on the bed between them. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

Rhela laughs brokenly. Tears burn in her eyes as she lifts the bottle, swallowing down the burning liquid along with the lump that’s formed in her throat. She came here to forget; she doesn’t want to do this. “I killed him.”

There’s no judgement on his face, not even any real reaction to her statement. Of course he knows she’s a killer, she nearly killed him, but that seems like a different lifetime, now, for both of them.

“Would he have killed you?”

“Does it matter?”

Gaius hums softly and reaches for the bottle, which she hands over without protest. “I suppose not.”

She doesn’t want to think, doesn’t want to feel. It’s too much, too painful. Those wounds are still raw. And besides that, Gaius is certainly not the person to discuss her mourning of an Ascian with. She starts to get up, the room suddenly too small, too warm, but he catches her wrist.

“Let go.”

He does. “We don’t have to talk, but you don’t have to be alone.”

He doesn’t say anything else as he watches her pull her clothes on, her movements almost aggressive, and then head for the door. The only reaction she gets for her departure is a quiet curse as the door closes. Too late she realizes that she’s left both the liquor and her tobacco pouch in the room. Stupid. She sighs heavily and turns back, but can’t bring herself to knock. She can hear movement within, probably as he readies for bed. Reluctantly, she raises her hand but before she can do anything the door swings in and she lets out a startled squeak.

“Oh.” Gaius is more or less dressed, pants and a simple shirt with his coat thrown over, bottle in one hand. He raises it with a twitch of his lips that she could almost call a smile. “Forget something?”

“Well, since you’re dressed you might as well join me. Come on.”

She doesn’t wait for a response, instead just heading through the halls to the balcony, but she can hear his footsteps following her.

For once, there is no storm over Mor Dhona, and from where they stand on the parapet she can see the blue spire of the Crystal Tower, reaching up to pierce the sky. Rhela leans heavily on the wall in front of her. She’s definitely drunk. Gaius stands next to her, but he’s got one arm around her back and planted against the stones on her opposite side, keeping her steady. It’s more comforting than she would have imagined.

“Hate that fucking tower,” she mumbles, slurring obvious even to her own ears. “‘S’all bullshit, Gaius. All of it. There’s no gods, just primals and desperate people.”

He tried to tell her, didn’t he? But she was young and stupid and idealistic. Maybe she had already been tempered, even then. She laughs at herself and starts to reach for the bottle that sits on the wall between them, but he closes his hand over hers before she can lift it.

“I think you’ve had enough.”

“If you’re not gon’ let me drink, why’d you come?” Still, she lets go of the bottle and pulls her hand from under his.

“You invited me.”

Rhela snorts. That was a generous interpretation. She had all but demanded that Tataru insist on Gaius staying the night. Then she had barged into his room and demanded what she wanted from him. She was selfish, but after everything she’d done, everything she’d been through, didn’t she deserve a bit of selfishness? She sways slightly on her feet, leans forward on the wall, supporting herself on crossed forearms. He’s right, she’s had enough. She drops her head onto her arms, closing her eyes to stop the world spinning around her. It doesn’t help.

“Missed you when I was gone.” Another drunken mumble. When had she gotten attached to him? Maybe that’s just the alcohol. Her knees buckle, the sudden movement jerking her abruptly back to some semblance of consciousness.

“Come on.” He pulls her up to standing, one arm wrapped around her, but she has to lean heavily on him to stay that way. “You need to sleep this off.”

The third or fourth time she stumbles, Gaius gives up trying to support her and sweeps her into his arms instead. She grumbles a protest, but rests her head against his chest anyway. The next thing she’s aware of is being dropped into bed. Rhela groans, brows furrowed, as he tugs her boots off, then throws the blanket over her.

“You’re a good man, Gaius.” She believes that, even if he doesn’t.

“And you’re drunk. Go to sleep.”

He grabs a pillow and settles back against the wall beside the bed. She wants to protest, tell him that this is his bed and if anyone should be sleeping on the floor it’s her, but unconsciousness claims her before she can do that. What an odd pair of fools they are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Screech at me on Discord! [The Book Club](https://discord.gg/K9PW9qv)


	3. Scared to Get Close

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I don’t know what happened but we got actual smut. Tags updated!

Rhela is fighting fatigue even before the battle is ended. Even with a team, the Ruby Weapon had been a challenge. She doesn’t mind Gaius coming out to the field, though she would have preferred to clean up before seeing him. And then the Imperials arrive, dragging up the past. She stays silent, as the Warrior of Light usually does, but the horrific realization hits her as the conversation continues. They finally depart, leaving the two of them alone with the wreckage. The damage she caused. The dead pilot. Neither one of them speaks as they return to the Resistance headquarters. She’s only half aware of the conversations that follow, but she hears the threat that the Elezen makes, and she has to bite her tongue to keep from saying something stupid.

She delivers the report to the Resistance, because somehow that’s _her_ job, but the minute that’s done she returns to the camp to find Gaius. Fortunately, there’s no one around to see her sneaking into his tent. Not that she’d care much if someone knew, but it’s a lot of explaining that she doesn’t have the energy for.

The space is lit by a single lantern. Standard issue tent, square table, two chairs, single cot. There’s a pack at the end of the cot, unopened. Gaius occupies one of the chairs, elbows on his knees, staring blankly into the middle distance. He doesn’t look up when she comes in. She’s got her flask, still mostly full, but she curses herself silently for not thinking to pick up a bottle from somewhere before coming to find him. She pulls the flask, along with her tobacco pouch and lighter, from her pockets before shrugging off her coat and hanging it over the back of the chair.

What can she even say to him? It’s not that she doesn’t understand how he feels, in some way, she just isn’t sure how to comfort him. Rhela sits on the edge of her seat, sure that he’s going to tell her to get out any moment now. But he doesn’t move, or even acknowledge that she’s there.

“Do you want to talk, or do you want to forget?”

Gaius grunts and leans back in his chair, reaches for the flask still staring at nothing. It may as well be water, for all the reaction he has when he drinks. “Unless you’ve got another bottle hidden somewhere,” he looks over her black chest wrap and skin-tight leather pants pointedly, “there isn’t enough here to forget.”

Rhela shrugs. “I can go get more, if that’s what you want.”

He glances at her, then looks away shaking his head. “If you are here to assuage your own guilt, then you may leave.”

Does he really think so little of her? She doesn’t want to admit, even to herself, how much that hurts. She’s a damn fool, thinking that there was something there. It’s the very last thing she wants to do, but she stands and grabs her coat and lighter. He can keep the flask, she’ll get another one. Can keep the damn pouch too, it was his to begin with. She gets to the tent’s entrance before he says anything.

“Wait. I didn’t… I would be glad for your company.”

Just briefly, her temper rears its ugly head and she considers leaving anyway. But that wouldn’t make either one of them feel any better, so she drops her coat over the chair once again and sits back down. Gaius passes her the flask, rolling tobacco as she drinks. He’s silent and avoiding her gaze and she wonders how she’s meant to keep him company if he ignores her the whole time.

“Gaius...”

“Don’t.”

Rhela narrows her eyes at him, lips pulling into a firm line.

“I do not wish to speak of it, nor do I want your sympathy.”

 _Then what the fuck am I doing here._ She almost says it, bites her tongue instead. He gives her a questioning look when he sees the Garlean lighter, but she waves her hand dismissively and he doesn’t press further. Another few minutes pass in uncomfortable silence, sharing the flask and the smoke.

“You should rest.”

“So should you.”

That neither of them has the time or the inclination goes without saying. Rhela can’t sleep, not without nightmares. She expects it’s much the same for him. She needs to return to the First, figure out how to get the Scions home. He needs to track these weapons, and she has no doubt she’ll be fighting more of them soon. It never ends, not for her.

She looks over at the cot. It won’t fit them both, not comfortably. Certainly not for sleeping. And suggesting anything else seems wrong, somehow, given the events of the day. Even if she deals with her emotions in some less-than-healthy ways, he might not… Gaius clears his throat and she turns her head back to him quickly, blood rushing to her cheeks. She shouldn’t even be thinking about that right now. In the guttering lamplight, he might not notice her blush.

“I’m sorry, I…” She trails off, not sure what she’s apologizing for.

“Far be it from me to turn down your brand of distraction.”

He holds his hand out to her, pulling her to stand between his knees when she takes it. Her hands land on his shoulders, one curling around the back of his neck as she leans toward him. She can’t help herself. His hand on her lower back pulls her into him and their lips meet, tentative at first.

“Are you sure?” Rhela whispers between kisses, still not sure this is the right thing in this moment.

Gaius nods and his hand slides from her lower back to the band of her pants, fingers dipping beneath it to grip the top curve of her ass. His free hand tugs at her chest wrap, pulling the fabric loose until it falls free and exposes her breasts. Rhela shivers at the brush of his thumb across the hardening peak, arching her back to press further into his touch.

Nails drag across his scalp as her fingers thread into his hair, pulling their bodies closer, tighter. She nips at his lower lip, drawing a quiet groan that she feels more than hears. He rolls a nipple between his fingers, swallowing her moan with a kiss. They’re both needy, insistent in their movements, but there is no struggle for dominance, only a gentle back and forth, leading one moment and following the next. She isn’t sure if he pushes or she pulls, but fumbling steps carry them back to the cot and she falls to her back, lifting her hips so he can drag her pants down. They catch on her boots and after a moment of struggling she giggles, pushing him back gently with a hand on his chest. Boots and clothes fall to the ground in a flurry, both of them quiet, conscious of who might be nearby to hear their shared indiscretion.

The frame creaks when he settles his knee between her legs and leans over her to capture her lips again, and Rhela isn’t sure the thing is going to survive this, but damned if they’re not going to try. She reaches between them to grip his hardening length, and his fingers find her slit, already slick with need. Her free hand clamps over her mouth to stifle a moan at the first press of long digits into her core, but she doesn’t stop her motions to bring him fully erect. Her hips roll of their own accord, grinding into his hand as he circles his fingers within her. 

Footsteps on the ground outside, difficult to tell how close, remind her that they don’t have the luxury of time. She hooks one leg over his hip, bringing both hands up to thread her fingers into his hair.

“Fuck me.” Her voice is a breathy whisper, barely audible, but she doesn’t have to tell him twice.

Rhela bites down on her lower lip to hold back any sound, and Gaius exhales a quiet curse as he presses into her, bottoming out in one smooth thrust. One hand braces against the bed, the other snakes around to her lower back as she wraps both of her legs around him, pulling him in tighter. At this angle it’s near impossible to do anything other than accept the pace he sets, but she rolls her hips to meet his as he rocks into her. He is not gentle with her, this never would have gone past the one night in Doma if he was, but the protesting groan of the cot makes them both pause.

“If it breaks, it breaks.”

Gaius huffs a laugh. “And what should I tell whoever comes in to find me with my cock in Eorzea’s Champion?”

“Tell them it’s none of their fucking business.” She tilts her head at him slightly, affecting the most innocent expression she can manage given the circumstances. “Are you going to keep going or do you want me to take over?”

He answers with a thrust that shakes the bed and drives a strangled cry from her lungs. Her hands slip from his hair to dig her nails into his shoulders, clinging to him as he maintains that same force despite the noise from the bed frame. She can’t hope to stay silent, but she manages to hold back most of her sounds as he drives into her. The bubble of pleasure builds rapidly in her core, rising until she’s hanging on the edge, but not quite at the tipping point. She moans his name, back arching off the bed as she strains toward release.

“Come,” he grunts through gritted teeth.

Rhela snaps, clawing into his back, legs shaking as the waves pull her under. She’s distantly aware of the hiss of his breath when her nails break skin, the twitch of him against her inner walls as she tightens around him. He finds his peak as her own begins to ebb and she feels his cock kick inside her with his release, the sensation drawing shivering aftershocks up her spine. Their panting breaths mingle in the air between them, his muscles trembling as he holds himself over her. Somehow, the bed survived.

“Gaius!”

Both of them jump at the harsh bark of his name from just outside the tent’s entrance. Male voice, the Elezen, probably.

“Yes?” 

His voice cracks on his breathless answer and a giggle bubbles out of her before she can clamp her hand over her mouth to stop it.

“It’s time to go.”

Gaius drops to his elbow, resting his forehead against his arm for a moment as he struggles to catch his breath.

“A moment, please.”

There’s an answering grumble, but then footsteps sound their retreat. He shifts lower on the bed, withdrawing from her as he goes, bringing himself to eye-level with her. She brings her hand to his jaw, thumb brushing over his cheek gently.

“Go.”

“What about you?”

Rhela smiles with a half shrug. “I’ll wait until you leave.”

He rolls off of the bed, joints popping as he stands with a groan. She props herself on her side, watches him pull on his clothes. He’s going to go out there smelling like her and sex and she wonders if anyone will ask about it. The thought makes her smirk. She sits up on her knees when he comes back towards the cot to collect his pack, catching the collar of his jacket to tug him down to her so she can kiss him.

“Be careful out there, old man.”

Gaius takes a breath, opens his mouth like he wants to say something, but closes it again and leans his forehead against hers for a heartbeat. The moment ends, stoic mask replaced on his dark features. He turns the lantern down, extinguishing the flame completely, and then exits the tent without a backward glance. She can hear the low rumble of his voice as he leaves, but not make out any of the words.

Rhela lingers in the darkness for a while, sitting on the bed with her arms wrapped around her knees. There’s something between her and Gaius, something more than physical, but she can’t dwell on that, not when there is still so much they both have to do. She doesn’t want to go back to the First, but how can she not? 

Eventually she climbs off the bed, re-lights the lamp, but keeps it low, so she can get dressed and collect her things. She pauses with her hand on the table, pats the pockets of her coat. He took her flask. Rhela smiles, shaking her head. Seems only fair. And all but promises he means to see her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Screech at me on Discord! [The Book Club](https://discord.gg/K9PW9qv)


	4. Your Kiss Won’t Leave Me Be

“The target has been silenced.”

Gaius’s voice doesn’t betray any emotion, but Rhela knows better. That was someone he knew, someone he cared about. Neither of them is a stranger to losing someone in battle, but this is different. Not least because of the relationship between them, and the relationship between him and the pilot of the weapon. She can’t even look at the screen as she nods.

“Understood.”

She pilots the mech - _G-Warrior, what a ridiculous name, come on Cid_ \- to the dry docks of Terncliff.

It isn’t until she tells Gaius about her vision that his carefully constructed facade crumbles. Shs aches for him, for his loss and for the blame she knows he places on himself. It’s almost worse that he doesn’t blame her. Rhela reaches for him, hand hovering just shy of his arm. Would he even welcome her comfort at this point?

“I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t say anything, won’t even look at her. She drops her hand to the stone railing in front of them, staring out at the wreckage where she can see the Ironworks engineers picking over the warmachina. His hand settles over hers.

“It isn’t your fault.”

His voice is quiet, she can hear the pain in it and her insides twist in response. No, she’s just doing what she has to, as she always has. The Champion of Eorzea presses ever onwards against the realm’s enemies, regardless of what form they take. No matter who she hurts in the process. Rhela takes a half step back, she has to to be able to look him in the eye, and puts her hand on his chest.

“It isn’t your fault either, Gaius. You couldn’t have known…”

A short, bitter laugh. He doesn’t need to say anything, she knows exactly what he’s feeling. They’re alike in so many ways.

Rhela sighs, resigned to leaving him alone for now. “I’m here for you if you want my company, and I understand if you don’t.”

Before she can turn to leave he’s got his arms around her, lifting her up to crash his lips against hers. Sorrow and desperation and the simple need to be touched, to know he’s not alone. She throws her arms around his neck, clinging to him just as hard as he does her. It won’t fix anything, but at least they can seek comfort in each other.

“Oh!”

Cid’s surprised exclamation startles them both, but Gaius takes his time setting her back on her feet. Rhela can feel her blush burning from hairline to chest, wishes her coat covered more because her embarrassment is painfully obvious.

“I, uh…” Cid coughs once, looks away. “Am I interrupting?”

 _Of course you’re interrupting._ She rolls her eyes, then looks between the two men. Whatever Cid found, it affects Gaius more than her. When no response is immediately forthcoming from Rhela or Gaius, Cid clears his throat, shrugs.

“It’s none of my business but—”

“What did you find, Garlond?”

“It's as we feared. I'm sorry, Gaius.”

Rhela winces at the anger and hurt in Gaius’s response, watches him storm off and wants to follow him but knows he needs a moment to himself. She hates the whole horrible situation, hates that there isn’t another way… Hates that it feels like this is going to drive a wedge between them. 

It’s not like they’re in a relationship anyway, so why does it hurt so much?

“Seven hells, Rhela. Baelsar?” She shrugs in response to Cid’s question. She wouldn’t have seen this coming either. “He’s… Hells.”

He’s a former Imperial Legatus that she almost killed, he’s responsible for the Ultima Weapon and, indirectly, the warmachina they’re fighting now, he’s twice her age. She knows, she’s had the same argument with herself more than once. But whatever else he is, he’s someone she cares about. There’s a good man under all that, regardless of what everyone else thinks.

“Does anyone else know about...” he waves his hand vaguely at her, “that?”

Tataru, probably, after what happened when she came back from the First. She can’t think of why anyone else would know. She shrugs again. It’s really not anyone’s business. He shakes his head, hands on his hips.

“Just… be careful, alright?”

That makes her laugh. They just threw her into a mech to fight a primal-infused weapon, and he wants her to be careful about who she takes to bed. Brilliant. He opens his mouth as if to say something else, but then apparently thinks better of it and turns to walk back the way he came. She would like nothing more than to be left alone for a moment, but she’s the Warrior of Light and that just isn’t in the cards.

The Elezen - _Valdeaulin? That sounds right._ \- comes down the stairs next.

“What do you make of Gaius Baelsar?”

That’s a loaded question if she’s ever heard one. Rhela offers no response, but listens to his story. It’s one she’s familiar with, she investigated a village left abandoned by the Black Rose project. She can’t claim to understand his pain, but she isn’t without empathy. At least until he makes a second mention of killing Gaius.

“Valdeaulin.” He’s turned to leave, but she stops him. “I am sorry for your loss, truly. But if you kill him, I will kill you.”

She shouldn’t. It’s a stupid thing to say. But she’s had more than enough of losing people she cares about. His eyes widen in shock, and then narrow at her suspiciously. She brushes past him on her way off the terrace. He can be suspicious all he wants, Rhela doesn’t care to explain herself.

“Did you threaten Valdeaulin?” Rhela can’t keep the slight smirk off of her face, though Gaius looks decidedly less amused. “I can take care of myself, girl.”

She throws her leg across his hips, pulling herself up to straddle him with her hands braced on either side of his head, and leans down until their lips almost touch. “I didn’t do it for you, old man.” 

He tries to lean up to meet her in a kiss, but she pulls back. His arms wrap around her and all she can see is muscle as he rolls her under him. For all their jokes about his age, Gaius is still strong. Strong enough to fight Ascians. Strong enough to hold down the Warrior of Light, when it suits her to be held down.

“What do you mean?”

“I…” Rhela blushes and looks away. She doesn’t know if she can or even should tell him how she feels. This isn’t the right time. There may never be a right time for the two of them. “It’s nothing.”

It’s his turn to pull away from her attempt to kiss him, and she sighs in frustration as she flops back onto the bed.

“Not tonight, please. If you still care when this is all over, we can talk about it then.”

Maybe she’ll live to regret not telling him when she has the chance. Maybe she’d regret telling him and finding out he doesn’t feel the same way. Not something she wants to deal with tonight, either way.

“Alright.”

He doesn’t pull away, this time, not until she does.

“Round two?”

Gaius chuckles, shaking his head. “If you’re trying to kill me, I can think of faster ways to do it. Though maybe not quite as enjoyable.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Screech at me on Discord! [The Book Club](https://discord.gg/K9PW9qv)


	5. it isn’t a secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update today. This one’s super short.

A few days passed and Rhela found herself back in Terncliff. She would have stayed, wanted to stay, but duty had called as it always did. Still, she had come back as soon as she could, explaining her rush to return was due to the threat the weapons posed. Nothing whatsoever to do with who was there. 

“Rhela, a moment.”

She looks up from packing to find Cid at the door. This ought to be good. He glances around her room, taking in the rumpled bed, the coat that is definitely not hers hanging on the back of one of the chairs, the two weapons laid across the table, still partially disassembled for cleaning. It’s clear she didn’t spend the night alone, and equally clear who she spent it with. She crosses her arms over her chest, waiting for him to get on with it.

“You’re traveling with Baelsar, then?” They had this conversation yesterday. He knows damn well what the plan is, he’s just stalling. She arches a brow at him. “I just want you to be safe. He’s an Imperial Legatus, defected or no, we have no idea if we can trust him.”

Gaius never technically defected, still considers himself a citizen of Garlemald, as far as she knows. She doesn’t correct him. Cid has always seen her as the young adventurer he met in Camp Drybone, maybe even has a bit of misplaced parental instinct towards her, but she’s done a lot of growing over the time she’s known him and she certainly doesn’t need a father.

“You can’t just go sleeping with—”

“Oh you’re one to talk, Cid. You’ve been fucking Nero since the Crystal Tower.”

He stammers, not able to manage actual words, and his eyes go so wide she’s afraid they’re going to pop out of his head.

“You two aren’t half as sneaky as you think you are.” She sighs, uncrossing her arms. “Look, I appreciate your concern. I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself.”

Cid nods, but he’s still bright red, and looks like he’s having trouble breathing, so she crosses to him and pats his shoulder.

“It’s alright, Cid. Your secret is safe with me.”

It absolutely is not a secret, but whatever makes him feel better. 

He nods again, wanders out of the room still looking dazed, passes Gaius on his way in. He closes the door, but she still covers her mouth to hold back a laugh. She hadn’t expected Cid to take that so badly.

“Garlond and Scavea?” She nods, still attempting to contain herself. “I would say I didn’t see that coming, but—”

At that, Rhela absolutely loses it, laughing so much she can hardly breathe. Poor Cid. Eventually she calms down and returns to packing; Gaius has busied himself finishing with their weapons.

“Do you trust me?” He asks quietly.

She turns to look at him over her shoulder, doesn’t even need to consider her answer. “With my life.”

It may well be the closest they ever get to talking about their feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Screech at me on Discord! [The Book Club](https://discord.gg/K9PW9qv)


	6. Beyond Our Time Here

It’s been a long time since Rhela had to do any traveling on foot, but she can’t take Gaius through the aether currents with her, and the man refuses to ride a chocobo, so they’re walking. Her best guess is a few days to get to Vesper Bay, maybe longer if she can’t convince him to take an airship from Gridania to Ul’dah. They pass through Castrum Oriens on the afternoon of the first day, into the East Shroud.

Gaius has his jaw set firmer than usual, passing through the former stronghold. He pauses on the Shroud side, looking back up at the wall behind them, but says nothing and keeps walking. Rhela takes a few quick steps to catch up with his long strides.

“Does it piss you off?”

“You came along and undid my life’s work in a matter of months. Why would that piss me off?” His tone is so flat she can’t tell if he’s being facetious or not.

“To be fair, I thought you were dead.”

“And that makes it better?”

“I don’t know, does it?”

He stops short and she brushes past him, throwing her shoulder into his arm lightly.

“Come on, Baelsar. We’ve got a long way to go.”

She hears him grumble something behind her, but it does nothing to dull the grin on her face. It feels a little bit wrong to be in such a good mood, given their mission, and everything she’s been through, everything they’ve been through. But the sun is shining and it’s nice to not dwell on death, even if it’s only temporary.

Gaius doesn't remember the last time he really smiled, but spending time with her, he can almost remember what it feels like. It’s a foolish thing to feel, even more foolish to acknowledge it. These are a younger man’s feelings.

It’s convenience that keeps pulling them together, nothing more. It doesn’t mean anything that she’s got his old tobacco pouch in the left pocket of her coat, that she’s had it there since Doma, that he knows exactly where she keeps it and that she rolls her smokes the same way he does. Equally meaningless that he’s been carrying her flask in the same place in his own coat, that she hasn’t asked for it back despite knowing full well he has it, that he keeps her preferred whiskey in it. Doesn’t matter that he likes the way she feels in his arms, the way his name sounds on her lips. When this is over, they will go their separate ways, and whatever this is will be nothing but a memory.

They don’t speak much as they travel, aside from the exchange on the far side of the wall. Truth be told, he isn’t sure how he feels about the liberation. How could he continue to support the Empire, knowing it is a tool for the Ascians? He doesn’t fault her for her part in anything, including what happened at Meridianum. That was his own folly, much as it pains him to think about it.

When they stop for the evening, he watches her take down and butcher a wild boar with an efficiency that shouldn’t surprise him, yet somehow still does. She teases him about being too old to sleep on the ground while he builds a fire. He doesn’t disagree with her, but he isn’t inclined to spend more time than necessary where he could be seen and recognized. The Empire has eyes and ears everywhere, and he is a wanted man.

After they’ve eaten and put out the fire, he settles with his back against a tree. He probably doesn’t need to keep watch through the night, she’s found them a sheltered enough place, but his own demons keep him from sleep. Rhela doesn’t even bother with the pretense of pulling out her own bedroll; she drops herself between his legs instead and leans her back against his chest.

“Been a while since I had to rough it.”

He knows she could have traveled on her own. Could have been in Vesper Bay in minutes if she wanted to. She didn’t have to walk across half the continent with him. It doesn’t mean anything that she decided to anyway.

“You can go on ahead.”

“Yes, but then who will make sure the big bad Imperial doesn’t betray us all?” He can hear the way she rolls her eyes when she says it.

“If I were of a mind to betray you, you’ve made it very convenient.”

Rhela laughs and his heart skips a beat. What he wouldn’t give to be the reason for that sound for whatever years remain to him.

“Big words for a man whose ass I kicked when I was still a healer.”

He wraps an arm around her, pulling her tight against his chest, and leans in until his lips nearly touch the curve of her horn.

“And you’re awfully cocky for a girl who comes hardest with my hand around her throat.”

The moan that escapes her is enough to make him question his decision to stay out of inns. She squirms against him, tugging at his arm, but he isn’t really restraining her and even if he was she’s more than strong enough to pull away.

“Not fair. Don’t tease me when we can’t…”

“Why can’t we?”

He’s definitely too old for this, but he can’t resist her. And if they’re going to part ways when everything is over, he is going to take advantage of every moment he can.

Rhela’s seemingly insatiable desire, while exhausting, isn’t enough to buy him more than a few bell’s sleep. She mumbles and shifts when he pulls his arm from under her, but doesn’t wake fully. Aches both new and old make him groan under his breath as he gets to his feet. The moon, closer to full than not, illuminates the woods around them as he picks his way through the undergrowth. He doesn’t go far, still well within earshot. Having tended to nature’s call, he makes the short walk back to camp to find her awake, sitting up and rubbing sleep from her eyes. She pulls her boots on, grumbling something, and makes the same trip he did. When she returns, he’s sitting back against the tree again and she nudges his legs apart so she can sit between them.

“You should go back to sleep. It’s early yet.”

She leans her head back against his chest, staring out into the relative darkness. “I don’t sleep much, anyway.”

He hasn’t seen her sleep sober in the time they’ve spent together, with the exception of tonight; he should have expected she would suffer from the same problem he does.

“Do you want to talk?”

She snorts. “Not about that.”

Based on her reaction, it’s more of the same. She’s told him next to nothing about where she goes, what keeps happening to her that leaves her this way. Gaius wouldn’t know how to comfort her even if he did know, though he wishes he could.

“About anything. Tell me about you.”

Rhela is silent for an uncomfortably long time, long enough that he’s trying to conceive of a way to undo having said anything at all. Foolish. This isn’t that kind of relationship.

“You know how I became the Warrior of Light? The Ixal were trying to summon Garuda,” she gestures deeper into the forest, “not too many malms from here, and I showed up to stop them. It was just another job for the Adventurer’s Guild. That’s how the Scions found me. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“Some would say the right place.”

She shrugs one shoulder, the way he’s noticed she does when she’s trying to downplay her feelings. “‘Some’ haven’t had to do the things I have. I was just a poor kid from Ul’dah looking for a way out.”

“How old were you?” As though he doesn’t already know she’s half his age. She can’t be any older than thirty.

That gets a genuine laugh from her. “You don’t want the answer to that one, old man.”

He shakes his head, going quiet for a minute until her admission brings his own up in answer.

“I was no one, a second son of the middle class, but there was opportunity in the military for someone willing to take it, so I did. I was nineteen the first time I killed a man. Fighting in Othard.” He hadn’t really felt anything about it. Even if he tried, he couldn’t recall specifics of the fight, the day, even the location. But he remembered the look on that man’s - boy’s - face. “They don’t train you for that, the way someone dies. How long it takes for that light to fade. He hung there on the end of my sword just… staring. Already dead, his mind just hadn’t caught on to the fact.”

Rhela leans forward, twisting herself around until she’s looking at him. White eyes search his, though he can’t read her expression and doesn’t know what she’s looking for. Eventually she turns and settles herself back against his chest.

“There is very little you can say to me that would change my opinion of you, Gaius.”

He doesn’t know what to say to that, so he says nothing and they lapse into silence. Not exactly a comfortable silence, but they both seem occupied in their own thoughts. After a while, he realizes she’s fallen asleep again, the steady rise and fall of her chest giving it away. He wraps his arms around her, careful not to wake her, and leans his head back against the tree.

In the dark hours before dawn, Gaius considers the sleeping dragon in his arms, and almost - _almost_ \- finds a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Screech at me on Discord! [The Book Club](https://discord.gg/K9PW9qv)


	7. Want You on My Lips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one’s a bit longer than normal. I got a little carried away with the smut. Sorry not sorry.
> 
> CW: Smut! Shower Sex! Rhela being vulgar!

Rhela unfolds her map in the early morning light and traces the path from where she and Gaius had camped to Gridania; it’s less than half a day’s walk, and from there they need to determine their next stop.

“From Gridania, we can go south into Thanalan. Another two, maybe three days to get us to Vesper Bay. Assuming you can keep up with me.” She grins at him and he scowls in return, but there’s no real anger behind it. “Or, we can take an airship from Gridania to Limsa, and ferry to Vesper Bay. That puts us there tomorrow at the latest. Buys me a day or two to rest before Cid’s submersible shows up and I have to fight another one of these things.”

The words are out before she’s considered them, and she winces. She hadn’t meant to make light of what they were facing. Gaius doesn’t even react. She chews on her lower lip for a moment as she considers their options. He’s made it clear he doesn’t want to spend too much time in the cities, but she doesn’t relish the idea of facing the next weapon after having camped her way across the Shroud and Thanalan.

“I have a house in Gridania. If… if you’d be comfortable with that.”

She should actually just stop talking. She should have kept her mouth shut and just followed their original plan. No strings. That was what they said in Doma. Whatever’s going on between them, whatever this is, inviting him into her home clearly breaks the unspoken rules. Her cheeks burn hot and she can’t bring herself to look at him even though she can feel him staring at her. She gives a half shrug.

“Never mind, that’s a stupid idea, forget I said anything. We’ll just—”

“Rhela.”

She would almost be grateful that he had cut her off, if not for the firm tone that makes her want to disappear into a hole. She is making a damn fool of herself. It takes effort to make herself look up and meet his eyes.

“We’ll take the airship. You will be more effective if you’re well rested.”

Before she can say anything else to embarrass herself, Rhela folds up the map and stuffs it in her pack. Gaius is already ten steps ahead of her, leaving her scrambling to catch up. If they are truly going to her house, she’ll need to venture into the markets to pick up supplies. It’s been so long since she had the time or opportunity to visit, and the place was pretty sparse to begin with. She cuts herself off with a shake of her head. He agreed to the airship, not to stay at her house.

“Cute.”

Rhela glares at Gaius over her shoulder, not entirely thrilled at his assessment of her house. Why shouldn’t it be cute? 

She looks back at the little wood cottage with the yellow roof. Her garden is well tended, and she wonders if that was Tataru’s doing, also wonders how much that’s going to cost her when they get around to settling her accounts. She crouches to flip over a rock and retrieve the key from under it, and hears Gaius snort from behind her.

“It is a wonder you’ve survived this long, girl. Anyone could get into your house.”

Rhela rolls her eyes. “Why would they want to? I’m just another adventurer, here.”

The door creaks as it opens, spilling light into the dim room. On instinct, her hand finds the switch within and the wall sconces flare to life. Rhela drops her pack beside the door, taking more care with laying her gunblade on the counter between the living area and what passes for her kitchen, then shrugs out of her coat and hangs it on the stand by the door. Gaius still lingers at the threshold.

“You coming in or not?”

She doesn’t wait for a response before going to throw the windows open and air out the house. Behind her, she can hear his movements through the small living space, following her path to drop his pack and weapon.

“It’s not much but…” she gestures around the room, shrugs. “I’ll have to go back into Gridania to get food. Help yourself to the liquor cabinet, it’s about the only thing I do have. If you want to clean up, the bathroom is downstairs.”

Gaius nods once, but his expression is unreadable.

“Towels and all that... You know how a bathroom works, I’m going to go now.”

She reaches out for the aether current, disappearing with a flash before she can make a bigger fool of herself.

Rhela returns to the house loaded with food for the next few days, potions, and other various supplies. She hears the shower cut out as she’s putting things away, and footfalls coming up the stairs a few minutes later.

“I see you found the— oh.” Gaius is downright indecent, standing at the top of the stairs in nothing but a towel, a few stray drops of water clinging to his dark skin. “You shaved.”

Absurdly, it’s the only thing she can think to say.

“I did, yes.”

From the slight quirk of his lips, he’s damn well aware of the effect he’s having on her. She huffs indignantly and throws the nearest object at him - fortunately, it’s a dishrag - but he catches it one handed.

“You might have at least waited until I had a chance to clean up, too.”

“I’m not stopping you.”

He steps aside to let her pass him, following her back down the stairs and dodging the clothes she sheds as she goes. By the time she reaches the bathroom, Gaius has dropped his towel as well. She pulls the shower to life, silently thanking her past self for having dropped the coin for a larger shower stall, and steps into the spray of warm water. His hands are on her hips, fingers tracing the edge of scale patterns, before she’s even grabbed the soap.

“And you call me insatiable.” Her complaint lacks any real bite, comes out breathier than she intends.

She manages to scrub herself clean around teasing hands, somehow keeping some semblance of composure, but she can’t get done fast enough. She holds the cloth over her shoulder, turning her head just enough to see him from the corner of her eye. He obliges her unspoken request, washing her back before pressing her forward to let the stream of water rinse the soap away. Then his hands are back on her; thumb and forefinger rolling the hardened peak of her breast, the other hand slides down her stomach to cup her mound, fingers dipping between slick folds to circle that sensitive bundle of nerves.

“My hair—”

“It can wait.”

She isn’t inclined to disagree, especially when he pulls her into him and she can feel the evidence of his desire firm against her back. A moan slips free and her hands come up to grip his arms, her body already trembling under his ministrations. The first press of his fingers into her core is shallow, teasing, and when she tries to rock her hips to capture more, he eases back.

“Please,” she whimpers, digging her fingers into his skin.

“Tell me.”

“Inside, please. I want to feel you.”

He turns her, pressing her back into the wall and capturing her wrists in one hand to pin them against the tile above her head. Her lips part, panting as she meets his molten gaze, eyes wide with need. There is no more teasing; he plunges his fingers into her and she cries out, back arching in her pleasure. Digits swirl, kick, press against the most sensitive places within her while his thumb torments her from without, rolling over her clit with just the right amount of pressure. It’s unfair how skilled his touch is, how quickly he brings her to the edge. But she wants more of him.

“Gaius, please! Fuck me, I need you inside me, please!”

“I want to see you come apart, first.”

He doesn’t stop, his touch relentless as he drives her over the edge. The bubble of pleasure bursts within her and she writhes, muscles tensing, hands clenching uselessly into fists and straining against his grip. Even with her eyes closed she can feel him watching her, and she flushes impossibly hotter at the sensation. She fights to catch her breath as the waves ebb. He slows but doesn’t stop, wringing the last of her climax from her until she whimpers and tries to pull away from the overstimulation.

Gaius releases her, only to move his grip to her thighs and lift her up until her hips are level with his, pinning her between his body and the tile. The tip of him brushes between her folds, settling at her entrance, and she wraps her arms over his shoulders. He slides into her wet heat, her body giving no resistance, and groans, the low rumble making her shiver.

Rhela’s breath comes in gasps as he drives into her, gravity pulling her down so that he bumps into the deepest parts of her with every thrust. His hold on her thighs is bruising, but that only makes her insides twist tighter as tension coils within her once more. She tips her head back against the tile wall so she can see his face, not surprised to find him looking back at her. When their eyes meet, the spark of _something_ that she’s trying so hard to ignore is undeniable. She wraps her legs around him and he moves one hand to the back of her head, fingers tangling in wet hair as he drops his head to rest against hers, their labored breaths mingling between them.

He fumbles blindly for the knob to shut off the water until she laughs, smacking his hand away so she can do it herself. He carries her out of the shower, but they only make it as far as the counter before he’s setting her down again. She leans back, bracing her hands on the counter behind her, and his grip moves to her hips. Her body jolts with the intensity of his thrusts, breaths forced out in sharp gasps.

“Will you come for me again? Touch yourself, let me feel it.”

She brings her fingers to her clit, hips bouncing when she makes contact with the still too-sensitive nub. It doesn’t take her long to find a rhythm with him that has her crying out, hurtling toward climax while he chases his own release. Gaius curses through clenched teeth as he hilts himself in her and she feels the first hot pulse of his release just before she tips.

It feels like an eternity that they stay frozen like that, joined and struggling to catch their breath in the steamy room. When he finally releases her hips, she can feel where his fingers have left bruises. He cups the side of her head with one hand, thumb brushing across the height of her cheekbone.

“You’re beautiful.”

She laughs, still breathless. “Tell me that again when you’re not balls-deep in me.”

She sits up, pulling his head down to kiss him.

“I do still need to wash my hair, though.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Screech at me on Discord! [The Book Club](https://discord.gg/K9PW9qv)


	8. The Quiet Things That No One Knows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really enjoy writing smut for these two, to be honest.

The answer to whatever this is between them isn’t at the bottom of a bottle, despite what Rhela would like to believe, nor is it between her thighs, despite what Gaius might think. This does not stop either of them from searching in those places.

The orchestrion plays softly from upstairs, though they have long since retreated back to her bedroom. Her bed is unnecessarily large, though now with Gaius occupying it, she’s glad for its size. Neither of them bothered with clothes after their shower earlier, and he traces the lines of scars across her skin with fingers and lips both. He follows the claw marks across her left hip, through both skin and scales.

“Nidhogg, or… It was complicated.”

Her breath catches when he follows the curve of her waist, settling on the thick line of marred flesh that runs diagonally from below her rib cage to the ball of her right shoulder. A reminder of her defeat, then of her loss.

“Zenos. The first time I faced him.”

She had been out for two days following that fight, recovering from massive blood loss. They had saved her, but there had been nothing they could do for the scarring. Her fingers rub at the scar where it crosses her sternum; she still feels the ache keenly, like an empty space inside her where he should have been.

Gaius leans in to kiss her shoulder, following the scales down to the burn line that runs through her upper arm.

“The laser on the Ultima Weapon. Couldn’t cast and dodge at the same time.”

He stills briefly, fingers hovering over the damaged skin. She doesn’t hold it against him, how could she?

Her body is a map of her journey, of battles hard won, of blood spilled and lives lost. When his hand settles on the most recent - a red gash through her side - she flinches and settles her hand over his. Not that one, not yet. Maybe not ever. He pulls her hand up, brushing his lips across her knuckles.

“You’re beautiful.”

Rhela laughs, no more comfortable with the compliment now than she was earlier. Her skin is too scarred, body too hard, too many calluses and sharp edges to be called beautiful. He desires her, and that’s enough. “You’re just saying that so I’ll fuck you.”

“Mm.” He kisses his way up her arm, nipping at the tender skin where her shoulder meets the line of her neck. “Is it working?”

He moves lower, blazing a trail with lips and teeth until he reaches her breast and circles her nipple with his tongue. The skin puckers under his attention and she sighs, arching her back in a silent demand for more. He obliges, closing his mouth over the peak and bringing his hand up to give attention to its twin. When she whines and squirms under him he shifts to the other breast, catching the hardened nub with his teeth and making her gasp. Rhela tangles her fingers in his hair, but her muscles can’t decide if she wants to pull him away or hold him closer. And then he’s traveling lower still, biting hard enough to leave marks down her ribs. She keens when he sucks a bruise against her hip, bucking desperately until his hand moves to her stomach to pin her down. His free hand curves under her thigh, shifting her leg up to his shoulder.

She squeaks, tugging his head up. “Ah! Gaius, wait!”

“Do you want me to stop?”

When he looks up at her from between her legs, her whole body flushes. Her legs are shaking, from nerves or desire, she can’t say. She is far from innocent, it’s not as if this is a new thing for her, but… It’s too intimate. He lets her leg slip back down to the bed and lifts the hand that was pinning her stomach.

“I just… I’m not…”

“If you’re not comfortable, I’ll stop.”

Rhela bites her lip and throws her arm over her eyes, exhaling through her nose in her flustered state. Finally she nods.

“Please… keep going.”

He kisses her thigh as he shifts it back over his arm, then his lips are moving closer, closer… his warm breath over her sex makes her inhale sharply… and then he’s trailing down the other thigh, his attention far from where she wants to feel him. He halts the roll of her hip with his arm across them, hand gripping her opposite side. His free hand catches her knee, the one not currently over his back, and presses it into the bed. It’s obscene how wet she is, how he spreads her with his face so close to the apex of her thighs. The first slow drag of his tongue between her folds leaves her shuddering, and when he flicks it against her clit her whole body jerks. Her hips manage to lift from the bed for a moment before he pulls them back down.

She can’t help but wonder, however fleetingly, if he’s been with anyone else in her absences. This is a far cry from their fumbling first kiss. Not that it matters, she has no claim to him, they are both free to do as they please. The thoughts dissolve almost as soon as they cross her mind. Quiet sighs of pleasure escalate to gasps and moans under his touch. It doesn’t take long for the tension at the base of her spine to reach a snapping point.

“Please, I’m gonna…”

He groans against her, and the combination of the vibration and the way his tongue circles that bundle of nerves drives her over the edge. Her free hand tightens in his dark hair, holding his head against her while her hips fight to buck against the arm holding her down. He draws it out, playing out every drop of her climax as her breathing comes in harsh pants. It’s too much, and yet it’s over too soon. Her leg falls from his shoulder to splay bonelessly in the sheets. She twitches, giggling breathlessly when he pulls away from her.

“Fuck.”

Gaius wipes her slick from his chin, she blushes furiously at the sight, and crawls back up until his hands are braced on either side of her head.

“Good?”

“Mhmm. Don’t get cocky, old man.” When she leans up to kiss him, she can taste herself on his lips. “Gonna let me return the favor?”

“How could I say no to that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Screech at me on Discord! [Emet-Selch’s Wholesomely Debauched and Enabling Book Club](https://discord.gg/K9PW9qv)


	9. It’s All On Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyy this is a longer than normal chapter because I got carried away with the smut (again). Please see content warnings!
> 
> CW: Sexual Content. Mildly Dubious Consent due to alcohol use/intoxication, one person is sober but both are consenting. Choking/Breath Play. Unhealthy coping mechanisms (Rhela’s a damn trainwreck).

Rhela is hard to resist under the best circumstances, but waking with her naked body pressed against his, it’s impossible. She stirs at the first press of his lips on the back of her neck, mumbling a “good morning” as she arches into his touch. It takes little coaxing to get her on her hands and knees, and she’s pressing back onto him as soon as he’s behind her. He grips her hip with one hand, thumb tracing the edge where scales meet skin, and her tail curls over his thigh as if trying to pull him closer. They chase their pleasure with the lazy, unhurried feeling unique to early mornings. Gaius lingers within her for long moments after he spends himself, one arm wrapped around her waist as he curls over her. But reality forces its way in, as it always does, and too soon she’s wiggling out from under him and heading for the shower. It is with heavy reluctance that they finally head up the stairs.

“Coffee?”

He nods. She pushes a steaming mug across the counter to him and comes around to take her own seat. She doesn’t seem big on breakfast, which suits him fine. The coffee is passable, certainly not the worst he’s had, and they drink in comfortable silence.

“Should get to Vesper Bay this afternoon.”

Another nod. His thoughts drift to what lies ahead, for him, for both of them. Arrogant though it may be, he does not have any concerns about her ability to fight against the Emerald weapon. She will defeat it, along with whoever they’ve decided to sacrifice to pilot it. And that is where his thoughts linger.

Any designs he may have had toward a family were long since abandoned in favor of his career. Still, he had tried for those he had seen potential in. Tried, and failed them. Cid, Livia, Milisandia, Ricon… he can only hope it’s not too late for the rest. Rhela’s hand on his arm pulls him from his thoughts.

“I promise, I will do everything I can to save them.” Like she can read his mind.

Whatever spell the two of them had been under since arriving here is broken. He doesn’t shrug off the contact, but he does his level best to ignore his emotions while he finishes his coffee. After a moment, she returns the favor. From the corner of his eye, he can see the concerned expression leave her face to be replaced with the mask she wears when she is the Warrior.

———

Gaius checks over both of their packs and their gear as she straightens and closes up her house. He’s closed off, hardly having spoken a word after their conversation earlier, and she finds herself responding to his silence in kind. This was too much. She shouldn’t have brought him here. They’ve crossed a line, probably several lines, and it’s too late now to take any of it back. One last check of her supplies, and she throws two bottles of whiskey in her pack for good measure. With the way the last two fights went, they’ll need them. Rhela closes and locks the door before returning her key to its hiding space by the front step. No teasing comments from Gaius this time. The way the morning is going, she already needs a drink.

Aside from the occasional question and answer, they make the airship and ferry ride with almost no interaction. And the more Gaius ignores her, the more Rhela’s temper flares. By the time they reach Vesper Bay in the late afternoon, she’s ready to snap. The Ironworks submersible has yet to arrive, and a quick linkpearl to Cid confirms it won’t be there until morning. So she makes a beeline for what passes for a tavern, no thought given to whether or not Gaius follows. Whatever he does is his own problem.

Nightfall sees her just outside the Waking Sands, already quite deep in her cups and with a freshly opened bottle sitting on a crate beside her while she smokes. She doesn’t know where Gaius has been, but eventually he finds her. He leans on the crate, watching her, but says nothing until she reaches for the bottle. 

“You’ve had enough.”

He tries to stop her, but she pushes his arm away. She stares him down as she drinks, daring him to say something else. She hardly even feels the burn down her throat anymore. Who the hell does he think he is, anyway? He has no right to tell her what to do. When she starts to lift the bottle a second time, he puts a hand on her.

“Enough, Rhela.”

She shakes off his touch.

“Put your hands on me one more time, Baelsar.”

Ignoring the warning in her tone, he reaches for her wrist again. This time she lets him grab her, but she draws the knife sheathed on her thigh and has it pressed against his throat in seconds. Even drunk, she’s still the damn Warrior of Light.

But Gaius is not drunk, and he’s equally skilled in combat. He disarms her and has her pressed against the wall with her arm twisted up between her shoulder blades before her brain even registers his movements. In the flurry of movement, she had lost her grip on the bottle and it had shattered against the stones. Glass crunches under their boots and the smell of whiskey fills the air.

“Next time you pull a knife on me, girl, you best be ready to use it.”

Rhela thrashes against his hold but it’s an exercise in futility, pinned the way she is.

“I did not agree to put myself at risk so you could get blind drunk.”

The whole reason they had gone through Gridania and Limsa was so that she could rest, but she’s been on edge all day because of his mood. She’s too drunk and too pissed to think straight.

“The fuck do you care, Gaius! As long as I can fight, that’s all that matters.”

That’s all she’s good for, isn’t it? She’s a damn weapon, aimed wherever anyone tells her. The Scions, Eorzea, Ishgard, Ala Mhigo, Doma, Norvrandt. All the same. Why should this, why should he, have been any different? His grip loosens and she yanks her wrist away from him, spinning to face him with fire in her veins, finds her anger reflected back at her in his eyes.

“Do you care about anything other than drinking and finding someone to warm your bed?”

“I didn’t hear you complaining.”

His frustrated sigh comes out more like a growl and he scrubs his hand through his hair, turning and pacing a few steps from her.

“Yes, please, go back to ignoring me. I liked that better.”

In an instant he’s on her, his hands on her shoulders pushing her back into the wall. One moment she’s baring her teeth in a snarl, the next she’s gripping the collar of his shirt and hauling him down to her level, meeting his lips with bruising force. He responds with no less intensity, pulling her away from the wall only long enough to grip her ass and lift her to his height. She catches his lower lip, bites until she tastes blood; he lets go of her ass to grab her hair, dragging her head back and making her hiss at the burn in her scalp.

If it’s just this, if this is all they are, it’s easier. Nothing serious. No strings. She doesn’t need to think, doesn’t need to feel. His grip borders on painful, and she wants more. When she feels his teeth against her throat, her moan is shameless. Rhela digs her nails into his back, useless through his shirt, and grinds her hips against him.

“You gonna fuck me out here, or do you want to find a room?”

“I should just make you sleep this off.”

Despite his words he pulls her into another aggressive kiss, and she lets herself get lost in it.

At least he had the foresight to get a room, if she can even call it that. Narrow steps behind the tavern lead them up to a chamber that’s little more than a bed and a washbasin. It’s enough for their needs. The door is barely closed before they’re tearing clothes off between kisses. Air rushes from her lungs in a gasp when he pushes her to the bed, and she hardly has time to catch her breath before he flips her onto her stomach.

Gaius is rough as he pulls her to the edge of the bed on her hands and knees. She’ll have more than a few bruises in the morning, not that she minds. He hilts himself in her with one vicious thrust that has her biting back a cry.

“No.” He hauls her head back with a fist in her hair, forcing her into an arch to ease the strain. “I want to hear you.”

Anyone in the tavern below will be able to hear them, too. Let them wonder, let them laugh and make off-color remarks about the travelers sharing the room. Rhela doesn’t care. The bed shakes from the force of his thrusts, and each time he bottoms out in her, pushing against back walls with bruising intensity, she gives him the sounds he wants. Her moans and cries drown out the slap of flesh against flesh. It’s almost enough.

“Harder.” 

Her voice comes out more desperate plea than command, but her blood is boiling and the heat pooling in her core is screaming for more. The way he fucks her, he can feel it too. Too much alike for their own good.

His hand moves from her hip, sliding around her middle to pull her up until her back is against his chest. He untangles his fingers from her hair, trails them along her jaw, settles his hand just at the base of her throat. Both her hands fly up to grip his forearm, urging him on, not pulling away, and her insides clench at the slight pressure on her neck. They’re playing with fire, but she wants to burn.

“Like that?”

He doesn’t need to ask, he knows. She nods anyway. But when he doesn’t move, she swallows, shivers at the extra effort it takes through even just that light squeeze.

“Please, yes.”

“Good girl.”

The aching need is so strong that it makes her whimper, fingers digging into the corded muscle of his arm. He doesn’t cut off her air, not completely, but there is enough pressure that breathing is more difficult. Though it isn’t as hard or as fast in this position, the way he rocks into her has stars dancing in her vision, and it’s all she can do to hold on to him. When her hands start to loosen, he eases his hold on her neck and she gasps, the rush of blood and oxygen making her head spin.

“‘’M so close…”

Gaius squeezes again and her eyes roll back. She’s on the edge of the abyss and she wants to fall, to feel that tension coiling in her gut snap like a bowstring pulled too tight. Just a little more, always more. He grinds into her, hitting just the right spot, and that’s all it takes. Her entire body locks up, lungs frozen, muscles straining, as her climax takes her. In some distant way she hears him hiss through clenched teeth at the bite of her nails into his arm, the clench of her inner walls around his length. When she starts to come down, she’s boneless, trembling in his arms, her pulse pounding in her head.

He eases her back down to the bed and she braces herself on her forearms, hands curling into the sheets as she fights to catch her breath. It’s a losing battle with him still driving into her. A hand on her lower back has her arching more, toes curling with overstimulation. His hips stutter and he buries himself in her, groaning at the first pulse of his release. The most she can manage is a weak moan, a shiver of pleasure.

The bed creaks when they both settle back onto the pillows, but then the room is silent except for their slowing breathing. Rhela stares up at the ceiling, the weight of guilt creeping in on the periphery. Gaius doesn’t let the mask slip often, but she knows he’s hurting. She should have been more understanding, shouldn’t have drank the day away when she should have been preparing for the next fight. She shoves the thoughts away, not ready or willing to deal with her feelings. She should go; there are beds at the Waking Sands that will be comfortable enough.

“What are you doing?”

Of course he notices before her feet even hit the floor.

“This is the part where you pretend to be asleep, so I can pretend to sneak out of here.”

She finds her clothes in the pile they discarded earlier, pulling them on in the moonlight coming in through the window.

“You can stay.”

“Not tonight.”

It isn’t leaving him like this that’s causing the pit in her stomach. If she keeps telling herself that, it might make it true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Screech at me on Discord! [Emet-Selch’s Wholesomely Debauched and Enabling Book Club](https://discord.gg/K9PW9qv)


	10. Nothing Means Anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Mild violence, injury, medical. Bar fight.

Aside from the arms… hands… whatever they are. And the hangover. And the bruising and aches from the night before. Aside from those things, the fight against the Emerald Weapon is going surprisingly well. At least, until the Oversoul activates. It’s too late to save the pilot, but she still has to stop it. She manages to hold herself together until the illusion changes, and then it’s not a weapon she’s fighting anymore. It’s not him, not really him, but she falters all the same.

“Rhela!”

Gaius’s voice through her linkpearl snaps her out of it, but not fast enough. The point of the gunblade enters her shoulder just below her collarbone, nearly running her through. She can feel the scrape of metal on bone and her stomach turns. She stumbles back, feels the blood running hot down her chest. The minimal healing she can do without her staff isn’t nearly enough, but it will have to do.

“Hesitation kills. I should not have to tell you that.”

Both of them stubbornly avoid discussing why she hesitated in the first place.

Rhela grinds her teeth against the burn of alcohol over the wound on her shoulder, her other hand balling into a fist against her thigh. Gaius is right, of course, but they aren’t precisely on friendly terms after last night. He takes a clean cloth and wipes the remaining blood and antiseptic from her shoulder before pulling a needle and length of thread from a kit beside her. He opens her flask and presses it into her other hand, threading the needle while she drinks. As a healer, as someone who has seen as much combat as she has, the idea of getting stitched up shouldn’t bother her. It still does.

“Keep still.”

She hisses the first time the needle pierces her skin, but the pain settles into a dull throb as he works. She can’t help staring at him, surprised by how steady his hands are. He meets her eyes for a moment before looking back to the cut.

“I came up through the rank and file. Field dressed many wounds worse than this.” He ties off another stitch, pauses for a moment as she takes another sip of whiskey. “You’ll need a healer for the internal damage, but you’ll live.”

By the time he finishes stitching her up, she’s light-headed and feeling her pulse from her chest to the tips of her fingers. He wipes the blood away again before wrapping a bandage over it. His hand lingers, hesitating, like there’s more he wants to say.

“Gaius, I’m s—”

“Not the time, Rhela.”

The moment passes and he’s turning away from her, packing up the medical kit and replacing it in his bag. A quick call to Cid confirms he’s on his way with Valdeaulin and Severa, and a fleet of Ironworks engineers. Gaius doesn’t speak to her again until the others arrive, and even then it’s strictly professional, no hint of anything between them. It hurts.

———

Rhela sits at the back of the Ironworks airship between Valdeaulin and Severa. Allie, the little Raen girl, is curled on the bench beside her with her head in Rhela’s lap. She can’t reconcile why the girl latched onto her first, but she chalks it up to a combination of shock and the need for some sense of familiarity. Her tears fall even in her sleep, and Rhela rubs her back in a weak attempt to soothe her. The damn Duskwight won’t stop glaring at her, and she returns his expression. If she wasn’t injured, and exhausted, she would pick a fight just for an excuse to punch that look off his face.

Gaius stands apart, at the bow of the ship, with his back turned to all of them. She knows full well the doubt, the fear, the guilt that plagues him. And she feels some measure of the guilt herself. She had said she would do everything she could to save the pilot - Rex, this time - and she had failed. Yet another life she had failed to save, in a long list of many. Far too many, recently.

“Severa, would you…” She gestures to Allie and the woman nods, sliding closer to let Rhela shift the Auri girl onto her.

The wind is stronger up at the front, loud enough that their conversation won’t carry. If he’ll even talk to her. Ever conscious of the eyes on them, she stands far enough away that no one could read anything into it.

“How is she?”

She lifts her uninjured shoulder in a shrug. The girl is traumatized, she’s been through hell, he knows that. “Sleeping.”

She won’t tell him to talk to her, even though that’s what he should do; she’s in no position to tell anyone to communicate. That’s what they should be doing, but she doesn’t know where to begin. Not the right time, never the right time.

“And your shoulder?”

Hurts like hell. She’s had worse. “I’ll recover.”

———

Using her injury from the battle as an excuse, Rhela gets a few more days’ leave from Scion duties, with the promise that she’ll meet up with them in Limsa in two days. Gaius hadn’t exactly asked her to stay, but she’d read into him telling her she needed rest. Terncliff is as good a place as any, and she actually quite likes the little port town. While not as nice as the rooms in Eorzea, the inn is passable and the tavern is decent - the drinks are cold and the liquor is strong, at any rate. Though she can’t say much for the crowd.

Valdeaulin has been staring her down nearly the entire time she’s been sitting at the bar. She tried to ignore it, she really did, but between whatever’s going on with Gaius, her temper, and his thinly veiled threats… She slides off of her stool and heads straight for his table, planting her hands on it with an audible slap. His expression doesn’t change.

“If you have a problem with me, I would really love to hear about it.”

The Elezen stands, as if he believes his size will intimidate her into backing down. Rhela laughs, takes a step forward into his space when he comes around the table.

“Come on then, out with it. Unless you prefer to take this outside right now.”

She half hopes he’s going to say yes. Even with the lingering weakness in her arm, she’s spoiling for a fight. She can feel all eyes on them, the rest of the patrons having fallen silent, holding their collective breath.

“Do you think he sees you as anything more than a savage? Or is that what gets you off?”

Her hands close around the lapels of his coat, dragging him down as she lunges up to drive her head into his. There is a satisfying crunch when she connects with his nose and he staggers back. Everything after that happens at once. Shouting, chairs scraping, rushing footfalls. Strong arms close around her middle and she screeches, flailing to try to get at him again. She’s seeing red, near blind in her rage, but she doesn’t miss the blood streaming down Valdeaulin’s face as she’s hauled out into the night.

“I’m beginning to think you’re more trouble than you’re worth, girl.”

Gaius sets her down on one of the terraces overlooking the sea. Her adrenaline has started to wane slightly, but she’s still breathing hard, body still vibrating with unspent energy. She’s pretty sure he doesn’t mean that. He looks her over, shaking his head.

“What happened?”

“I don’t like him.”

He snorts as he reaches into her coat for her tobacco pouch. “Yes, that much is plain.”

With a slight wince, she lifts herself up to sit on the edge of a planter. After a moment, he leans against the stone beside her.

“He knows we’re…” She trails off, not sure how, or even if, she should label this. “Sleeping together.”

“That what we’re calling it?”

Absently, she scoots closer to him until her thigh is touching his arm, leans down slightly to light the smoke. He moves his arm so it’s sitting in her lap and she warms at the contact. Maybe they can’t talk about it, maybe it isn’t the right time, but being close to him, it feels like things are alright. She runs her fingers through his hair and he leans his head back into her touch.

“Are we, still?”

Gaius passes her the cigarette without looking, both of them staring out at the ocean. Lost in their own thoughts trying to process where to go from here.

“Are we?”

“I want to.” It’s as much of an admission of her feelings as Rhela can manage with the guilt still eating at her.

“Alright.” He turns his head slightly to look up at her. He doesn’t smile, but she can hear the amusement in his tone. “I think you broke his nose.”

“Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Screech at me on Discord! [Emet-Selch’s Wholesomely Debauched and Enabling Book Club](https://discord.gg/K9PW9qv)


	11. You Know That I Can’t Do This On My Own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: alcohol abuse, vaguely referenced depression, vaguely referenced past Zenos/WoL
> 
> Double update part 1 - a n g s t

The tower appears suddenly. The rumors follow after, within hours, mostly from the Ironworks crew still in Terncliff working on the Sapphire Weapon. Towers appearing everywhere, suspicion that Garlemald is behind it, a dragon in the skies over Ala Mhigo. Gaius has not felt fear in a long while, but this comes close. Not least because Rhela has been gone for several days - back to being the Champion of Eorzea - and he’s certain that whatever is happening, she has some part in it.

This may be one of the more foolish things he’s ever done. He stands outside the gate to her garden and, not for the first time in the last few days, wonders what he’s thinking. They had kept things intentionally vague. No promises to see each other, no guarantee when she’d be able to take time again. And nothing had changed to call her back to the mission against the VIIth’s weapons. So there is no reason for him to be here.

Despite his doubts, he crosses the stones to the front door. The shades are drawn, but he can see the light shining through a gap and hear the faint sound of the orchestrion. He knocks. 

“No one’s home.” Her voice through the door, slurring. Barely past midday and she’s already drunk. Knocks again. “Go away!” 

“Open the damn door, girl.” 

There is a long silence, and then he hears her throw the bolt. The door swings open a crack, but she’s already walking back to the couch. Inside, the air is stale. Old coffee and liquor. Judging by the number of bottles, she’s been in here a couple of days at least. She has a red haori thrown on, but under that she’s just in black small clothes. She doesn’t even bother pulling the garment closed as she flops onto the seat and picks her bottle back up. He shuts the door behind him, bolting it again before he drops his pack and leans his gunblade beside the door, next to hers, and shrugs out of his coat.

There are new scars on her arms, burns that he doesn’t recognize from the last time he saw her. Near fully healed, but he knows she’s more than capable of that. Maybe not physically, but she’s hurting; he can see it even if she won’t say it. 

“Gonna tell me I’ve had enough, old man?” 

He shakes his head and sits on the upholstered bench beside the couch. She snorts, tips the bottle to drain the last of it. 

“How’d you know I was here?” 

“I begged a favor from Tataru.” 

He won’t admit it to her, but when he couldn’t reach her via linkpearl he had been worried. Worried enough to contact Cid, and when he couldn’t get her either, worried enough to visit the Scions’ secretary. 

“Dangerous woman to owe favors.”

She’s not wrong. He watches her lift the bottle again, realize it’s empty, and sigh before setting it on the table with the others. She stands, wanders over to the shelf that once held a not insignificant collection of bottles, nearly empty now. If he hadn’t seen her drink before, he might wonder if she’d had company. As it is, he’s almost certain she hasn’t left the house. Likely hasn’t eaten or been drinking water, either. He sighs himself, rubs his hand over his face, torn between glad he came to check on her and feeling foolish for having done so.

“When did you last eat?”

Or drink something that wasn’t alcohol or coffee, or shower. Or sleep. She hums noncommittally and shrugs one shoulder, pulling one of the last bottles off the shelf. He crosses the room to stand behind her, putting his hand over hers, and she stiffens immediately at the contact.

“Eat something before you open another bottle.”

“Not hungry.” He can hear the stubborn pout in her voice, covering the lie. “Anyway, there’s no food here.”

Given the state of her house, the admission doesn’t surprise him. He pulls the bottle from her grasp, gently, and replaces it on the shelf. “We’ll go get food, then.”

Going into the city is a risk, but he has little faith that she could safely get herself there and back.

———

Rhela isn’t sure how they make it to and from Gridania. She also isn’t entirely certain what Gaius is doing in her house in the first place, but knows she hadn’t invited him. Other than insisting she eat, he isn’t trying to stop her from drinking herself into oblivion, so she doesn’t call him out on showing up unannounced. Doesn’t look too deep into the why, either.

She manages to eat about a third of a sandwich while he puts things away, including more liquor bottles that she doesn’t remember buying, dissects and picks at the rest of it without actually eating. Still, he doesn’t stop her when she abandons the food in favor of the bottle he’d taken from her earlier. He does pull a glass off of the shelf and put it on the counter, making her narrow her eyes at him suspiciously.

“I won’t stop you. Have a glass, but then take a shower. You can keep drinking after that, if that’s what you want.”

If she were more aware, she might have realized what he was doing. But she’s been at the bottom of one bottle or another since coming back from Ala Mhigo, and her mind is less than functional. Rhela watches him warily as she opens the bottle and pours a glass, but true to his word he doesn’t stop her. Not even when she fills the glass so full it’s almost spilling over. He pulls another glass for himself, though he sticks with a respectable pour, and sits down on the stool beside hers.

“Allie asked after you.”

“Is there anyone who doesn’t know we’re fucking?”

Gaius takes a drink and shrugs. “Probably not.”

“How is she doing?”

“Under the circumstances…” 

She nods in understanding, rotates her glass idly, staring into the amber liquid. He shouldn’t be here. No one should see her like this. There is some fucked up irony to be had in that the only other person to have seen her this low was an Ascian. At least then she had been dying, not just wallowing in self pity. She drains a large portion of her glass in one go, pretends not to notice him pretending to not notice her do it. He might not be stopping her, but she can tell he’s uncomfortable.

He brushes his fingers across the faded scarring over the back of her arm and she grimaces. The pain is gone and the burns are fully healed, fortunately she’d had her healer’s gear, but the scars will likely remain.

“What happened?”

“Dragon.” 

It’s the best she can manage without telling the whole story. And she’s not ready to have that particular conversation just yet. Rhela finishes the last of her drink, starts to reach for a refill and stops when she remembers that she’s supposed to clean up first. Had she actually agreed to that? She might as well, since she can’t remember the last time she actually did.

By some miracle she survives the shower, though she spends most of it leaning her forehead against the cooler tiles to keep the room from spinning. She pulls on a clean tunic and smalls, but doesn’t bother with pants. She’s not in any state to leave the house again. When she makes it back up the stairs, the empty bottles have been cleared from the table and shoved to one side of the counter. She stands in the archway awkwardly, fingers twisting the hem of her tunic where it brushes her thighs.

“You didn’t have to clean up.”

“It’s fine.”

Gaius grabs the bottle and both glasses, passes her on the way to the couch. After a moment, she follows and settles next to him. She takes the glass when he pours and offers it, but doesn’t drink right away.

It’s too much. He shouldn’t be here and she shouldn’t be behaving like this. There shouldn’t be another Ascian. Zenos shouldn’t be tearing the world apart to draw her out. If he had called for her, she would have come. Has he already forgotten? All too much.

“Thank you,” she mumbles, hiding her frown against the rim of her glass.

“For what?”

A long silence. She isn’t entirely sure. For still being here, maybe, even after seeing what a mess she is. “No one else has bothered to check on me.”

They know where she lives, most of them, anyway. But none of them see her, the real her. No one noticed how withdrawn she was on the way back to Mor Dhona from Ala Mhigo, or the way her hand kept finding Zenos’s scar across her chest. G’raha had hardly been fazed by the way she snapped at him; he’s only ever seen, only ever wanted to see, the Warrior of Light. They probably don’t even know to be worried.

“Would you have let them in?”

Her first instinct is to snap at him, but she looks up and meets his eyes, and she knows he can see her. No, she wouldn’t have opened that door for anyone other than him.

_The bed shifts beside her and she reaches out, caught between dreams and wakefulness._

_“Please, don’t leave me.”_

_Fingers lace with hers, squeeze reassuringly._

_“Alright.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Screech at me on Discord! [Emet-Selch’s Wholesomely Debauched and Enabling Book Club](https://discord.gg/K9PW9qv)


	12. the bird and the wolf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update part 2 - I just wanted some fluff for these two. This chapter vaguely references a couple of my snips (Fractured Echoes - The Shoebill/Trust).

Sitting on her deck in the garden, sunlight filtering through the shade trees, Rhela feels almost normal. They hadn’t finished the last bottle of whiskey, and she had slept for what felt like an entire day. She even poured her coffee without adding whiskey to it. Gaius sits across from her, finishing his own cup. Being out here like this, enjoying the coffee and the sunshine and his company, Rhela can almost forget that there is a world-ending threat that she, yet again, has to stop. He starts visibly when a massive bird swoops in suddenly to land on the deck beside them.

“Bird!” She squeals in her excitement.

He regains his composure, raising an eyebrow. “Friend of yours?”

The shoebill stalks toward her, shaking its huge head, and she reaches out to pat it. She gestures between them. “Gaius, Bird. Bird, Gaius.”

The bird clicks its beak forcefully, standing next to her and staring at Gaius, who looks at it warily. She pulls the bits of dried meat that she hadn’t finished off her plate and holds them out, but it doesn’t take them.

“Not hungry, huh? Have you been having adventures without me, Bird? Or were you just napping somewhere?”

He stares at her like she’s sprouted another horn, then shakes his head and turns his attention back to his coffee.

“He showed up in my inn room one day, and decided he wanted to come home with me.”

She hasn’t fully explained the First to him, so it’s the best she can offer. The bird comes and goes as it pleases, like the certain individual it reminds her of.

“It’s a he?”

Rhela shrugs. “I’m not sure, honesty. Wouldn’t know how to check.”

It snaps its beak dangerously close to her arm, but she just reaches out to pet it again absently and it arches into her hand.

“Usually he shows up when he’s hungry, but I guess he just wanted attention today.” She tilts her head, smiling slightly. “Did you get jealous, Bird?”

The shoebill stretches its wings slightly - _like a lazy shrug_ \- and she laughs. Gaius shakes his head again, standing up.

“I’m going to shower.” He bends down, kissing the top of her head. “You should join me.”

She flushes hot at the invitation. He wouldn’t touch her last night; she doesn’t blame him, she was far too drunk.

“I’ll be down in a minute.”

The bird nudges her leg with its beak once Gaius is inside and she looks down at it, seeing that faint flash of gold in its eyes for just a moment. A trick of the light and her broken mind, she knows.

“Don’t look at me like that. I told you I had a bad habit of sleeping with people I shouldn’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Screech at me on Discord! [Emet-Selch’s Wholesomely Debauched and Enabling Book Club](https://discord.gg/K9PW9qv)


	13. The Clearing at the End of the Path

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: sexual content, blow job, slight breath play if you squint. Also! Feelings. And denial of same.

In the late afternoon, after Rhela had gone into Gridania to have her gear repaired, and visited the Scions to make sure the world wasn’t ending just yet, she returns home to find Gaius napping on her couch. She smiles at the sight and kicks off her boots as quietly as she can manage. He looks relaxed, or as relaxed as the big Garlean can look, with his knees bent against the back cushions and one arm tucked behind his head.

“It’s rude to stare, girl.”

He doesn’t even open his eyes. Of course he would be a light sleeper. She climbs onto the couch with him, her knees settling on either side of his waist, and bends down to kiss him. It’s a slow, lazy thing at first, both content to enjoy the taste and feel of each other. He pulls himself to sitting so she settles in his lap, and his arms wrap around her to tug her body flush against his.

“Missing me already?”

She says it teasingly, not expecting much of a response, if any at all.

“Always.”

Heat creeps into her cheeks. He can’t miss her, that’s not what this is. Especially not now, not with Zenos coming for her. What he needs, what they both need, is a distraction. Rhela wiggles out of his arms, sliding somewhat gracelessly to the floor and landing on her knees. It doesn’t take any encouragement from her for him to shift his position so she can settle between his legs, palms running up the insides of his thighs. Her blush is gone as she meets his eyes, both hands working the closure to his pants. His inhale comes a little sharper when her fingers close around his length to pull him free. This, at least, doesn’t require any thought, any feeling beyond the physical.

Gaius reaches for her, cupping the side of her face and brushing his thumb over her lower lip. She leans into his touch, sees the flicker of emotion in his eyes and looks away. Not now. Her grip as she strokes him is light, bordering on teasing, traveling from base to tip and feeling him hardening under her touch.

It’s a tricky endeavor, doing this with her horns, but she’s careful and it’s not as if she doesn’t have practice. She kisses the tip of him and then tilts her head to lick a stripe up from the base, earning a groan from him as his hand pushes into her hair. Her hands cover what she can’t take in her mouth, savoring the taste and feel of him. His hand tightens in her hair, not quite pulling her down, but enough that she forces herself to take him past the barrier of her throat, swallowing as much of his length as she can.

When she can’t hold her breath any longer, she pulls herself back with a wet pop. Her hand doesn’t stop, stroking along his full length as she catches her breath.

“Rhela—”

She cuts him off, moaning as she wraps her lips around him. She can feel the tension in his hips as he fights the urge to thrust into her, the slight burn in her scalp as he grips harder, but she doesn’t let up. He isn’t the only one who can torment with pleasure. Her eyes water when she pushes past her gag reflex, taking him into her throat again. His free hand wraps around the base of one horn, holding her head still as he loses his restraint. Pleasure courses through her and she shudders, hands tensing on his legs with each drive down her throat. Tears spill over, rolling in hot trails down her cheeks, and her lungs burn from lack of air, but the rush of wetness between her legs betrays her desire.

Gaius pulls free of her with a curse and she gags, gasping for breath. She knows what she must look like, tears and drool wetting her face, but she can’t hide the raw need in her eyes when she looks up at him. He hauls her to her feet, pulling at the waistband of her pants in silent demand. Clothes come off quickly, tossed carelessly to the side, and then she’s climbing back into his lap, sinking onto his cock with a moan.

She may be on top, but any illusion of being in control is quickly shattered. His hands close around her hips, lifting her up halfway only to slam her back down. It’s all she can do to cling to his shoulders and take it as he reduces her to whimpered pleas, his name somewhere between a prayer and a curse as her pleasure reaches a peak. She buries her face into the crook of his neck, muffling her cries as she comes apart on him, feels more than hears his responding growl. His release fills her, making her shiver and grind against him as if she can somehow pull him deeper. His hands move from her hips, sliding up her back to hold her against him as they both come down.

“Rhela.”

“Hmm?”

“You’re insatiable.”

He kisses the side of her head and she laughs, sitting up so she can see his face.

“Are you complaining?”

“No.”

Her hands cup his jaw, pulling his head down so she can kiss him. It’s enough. It has to be enough.

———

Gaius is a fool. A damned fool. Getting involved with the Warrior of Light, the Champion of Eorzea. Falling for her. As though there is any possible future where this works out. His chest aches with unspoken feelings as he watches her train, spinning through movements with a speed and grace that borders on terrifying. Beautiful, radiant in the setting sun.

She’s grinning, breathing hard when she finally joins him on the deck; tan, sweat-slick skin showing above and below her black chest wrap. Leans her weapon against the railing and drops into the chair across from him.

“How’s the shoulder?”

The scar from her battle with the Emerald Weapon, with the strange recreation of _him_ , has mostly faded, but he can see the faint line dotted by marks where he stitched her up. She had hesitated, because it was him. It could have been so much worse… He pushes the thoughts away.

“Better. I don’t even feel it.”

She chews her lower lip, reaches for the ever-present bottle on the table between them.

“When will you go back?”

Much as he does not want to leave, they both know he needs to return to searching for the next weapon. And she’ll have other things that call her back before long. They can’t stay hidden in her house forever.

“Probably tomorrow. Before Valdeaulin comes looking for me.”

She scoffs, takes a drink. He doesn’t know why she hates the Elezen so much, she’s never answered any of his questions along that line.

“Things… might be bad for a while.” The bottle spins between her fingers and she frowns, staring hard at the table. “These towers… there’s another Ascian. And Zenos…”

He tenses at the name, at the look on her face when she says it, but he tries to keep his voice neutral. “What is he after?”

“Me.” She grimaces and takes another drink. “Satisfaction.”

A pit forms in his stomach. The doubt, the bitterness, is clear in her voice. She’s a capable fighter, but something has shaken her and that’s enough to give him pause. He wants to say something to comfort her, reassure her, but he knows full well what that monster is capable of.

“Rhela…”

She forces a smile, lifts one shoulder in a shrug. “Hey, I’m the Warrior of Light and Darkness. I’ll be fine.”

He doesn’t know where the new title came from, but he doesn’t press her. Gaius can tell she doesn’t believe her own words, and the ache returns. She travels a path he cannot follow, and he fears what waits for her at the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well kids, we did it. This story is now current as of patch 5.4.
> 
> This will be on hiatus until post 5.5 when we find out what happens in the next Werlyt quest.  
> Also: SE can take Gaius from me when they pry him from my cold dead hands.
> 
> Psssst. Do you want more smut? [fresh bruises](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29575095) : Gaius/Rhela one-shot PWP featuring one grumpy dragoon
> 
> In the mean time: Screech at me on Discord! [Emet-Selch’s Wholesomely Debauched and Enabling Book Club](https://discord.gg/K9PW9qv)


	14. intentions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiatus what hiatus?
> 
> Have a little Cid & Gaius while I cry waiting for the next patch.

Their room in Terncliff is quiet without her. Lonely. Gaius should be accustomed to loneliness by now, but finds himself aching for her presence. Her laugh, her smile. Rhela’s flask sits half-empty on the table beside him, a book borrowed from her house in his hand. He reads, and tries not to dwell in thoughts about her. Again he curses himself for being a fool, but that doesn’t change anything.

Someone knocks on the door, but he doesn’t look up. Few enough know where he keeps himself, and no one seeking a traitor’s head would bother knocking.

“Enter.”

“Gaius.”

He spares a glance at his visitor and nods in greeting.

“Cid.”

The man lingers in the doorway until Gaius sets his book on the table and gestures at the empty chairs. While not the most welcome company, at least this one seems inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt. Cid drops into one of the chairs with a sigh. The engineer has been working non-stop, but he always was dedicated to whatever project he had going. Usually more than one project, actually.

“How is Rhela?”

For all her insistence that no one worried about her, some still did.

“Above ground and breathing, last I saw.”

A bleak assessment, but he nods in understanding.

“Any updates on the weapon?”

Cid shakes his head. He’s been gone less than a week, so the lack of change doesn’t come as a surprise. As with most things, there is a lot of waiting involved. He has a suspicion that Allie knows more than she lets on, but he doesn’t want to push her. Cid looks around the room like he’s searching for something, smiles when his eyes land on the book Gaius had been reading.

“That’s one of her favorites.”

He’d guessed as much from the well-worn leather binding and numerous dog-eared pages; it had been the reason he’d borrowed it. Everything else in her collection looked relatively untouched, which made the battered book all the more interesting. He hadn’t expected it to be a children’s book.

“Used to take it everywhere with her. She left the damned thing in Camp Dragonhead once. We’d walked two malms by the time she realized, and she dragged Alphinaud and me all the way back to retrieve it.”

Gaius can imagine her doing exactly that. Cid chuckles at the memory, but then his expression grows more serious. The younger Garlean stares him down and he can imagine the look is meant to be stern, but he’s known Cid since he was a boy, and very little intimidates the former Black Wolf.

“Is this where you ask me what my intentions are with her?”

Even if asked, he doubts that he could give an answer. Rhela - both of them, if he’s being honest - has stubbornly avoided discussing anything to do with her feelings and whatever this is between them. He knows what he hopes for, but barely acknowledges it to himself, let alone others. The silence hangs thick between them until finally, Cid leans back in his chair with a sigh.

“Rhela is…” he struggles for words, “she’s the Warrior of Light. People need her.”

Some of her resentment has rubbed off on him. Gaius knows he means well, but she’s so much more than that. She is a person, with her own doubts and fears and hopes, though she keeps the last to herself more often than not. She’s more than just a warrior, more than a weapon to be used as needed.

Rhela may be a damn mess sometimes… most of the time. But she’s — 

If she’s a mess, then he is too, and he wouldn’t change it. She found some good in him when few else even bothered to look. He knows full well he’s done nothing to deserve her, but she’s everything to him. 

“I wouldn’t do anything to hurt her, Cid.”

Cid nods, apparently satisfied, and stands to head for the door.

“Don’t go dying on her. She cares about you.”

He wishes he could say he won’t, but he doesn’t know if he can keep that promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, Cid absolutely has dad vibes and you cannot tell me otherwise.
> 
> Wanna screech about Gaius (or Cid, or Emet-Selch, or G'raha) with me? [Join the Book Club](https://discord.gg/enabling-debauched-xivfic)


End file.
